PART 24 I ain't think that it were possible to feels so many different things at once. I were more confused thens before. I ain't know what to makes of what I seen in fronts of my eyes...and my confusions only gots worse as I heards those words that she saids to him. "I love you....Max" I love you...three little words...I ain't never thought much bout them words until I mets her. Now...I finds it ironic thats three little words mades me the happiest and the saddest in my whole fuckin lifes. But it weren't really those three words that mades the difference...it were the names that she puts at the end. Earlier that nights she had spoken those words to me....words that mades me the happiest that I hads ever beens in my entire fuckin lifes. Why were I so happy....cause its were my names that she put at the ends..."I love you...Zan" It were with those three words that I knowed that my life were going to be different...and I knowed that I were never gonna be unhappy agains. I knowed that she could feels how much I loved her...and I could feels how much she loved me. Yeah...I should have known that were a lie...but I believed them...I believed her. I were stupid to thinks that she coulds ever loves me...but I heard her words...and it were those three words that had broken my hearts into a thousand fuckin pieces...pieces that caused me pain...thats caused me to bleeds insides. But...this times it weren't a truck running overs my ass that caused me to bleeds inside...no...it were what I sawed....it were what I heards....it were what she felts for him...and nots for me. I wanted to runs...get outta there quick....cause...it I left....I ain't have to see another man holding my princess in his arms...I ain't have to see my dupe holding her in his arms....I ain't have to see the one that she truly loved holding her in his arms. But...I stayed...I stayed cause I hads made a promise to myselfs that I were gonna make sure that she were always happy. I hads to make sure that she were happy fore I left hers for goods. It ain't matter that my heart were broken anymore....she were the only thing that were important. I loved her...I knowed that I always woulds...but I hads to do what ever I hads to do for her.....for her and her happiness. ************************************************************ I saw it again....that same look of sadness that had flickered across his eyes earlier was back...but this time it wasn't a flicker...it was not only visible in his eyes...it was now etched across his face. I knew what he was thinking...I knew that he thought that this was more then what it really was...I knew that he thought I loved Max...I knew that he was about to leave again...and that this time he wasn't coming back. I didn't want him to leave...he had to see that I didn't want him to leave. I couldn't believe that he couldn't see it visible in my eyes...couldn't see that it was also etched across my face...and it hurt me that he didn't. But then I realized that Max wasn't helping matters....Max was in fact making it worse...so much worse. I tried to break free from the grasp that he had on me...but he tightened his grip even tighter. In a flash he was off the floor...pulling me to my feet...crushing me so tightly against my body...that it cause me to lose my breath for a moment. It happened so quickly that before I had a chance to make a move or utter a sound....he had placed some sort of force field between us and Zan...between Zan and I. "Zan" I whispered through the field...locking my eyes onto his own eyes...not wanting him to misread what it was that he was seeing before him. I didn't think he heard me...but he did...and just hearing his voice sent shivers down my spin. ************************************************************ "Hello...princess" he said to her...his eyes never once leaving her face. As I studied the man in front of me...I found that we were the complete opposite of each other. Where my hair was short and well kept...his was longer...greasier and sticking out in every direction. Where I kept my face clean shaven...he had side burns and a goatee. Where I would never pierce anything on my body...he had piercings all over his face...and I could only guess where else. Where I wore jeans and a T-shirt...he wore tight leather pants...and a ripped up sweat shirt with a dirty T-shirt underneath. He was the complete opposite of me...right...wrong. He may have been the complete opposite of me...but...he was the complete opposite in appearance only. We were similar in one aspect...the one aspect that caused rage to rush over me at such an alarming rate...rage that caused me to tighten my grip around her waist...pulling her flush against my body...causing her to cry out in pain as I did. I watched as he took a step forward...breaking his trance from her face...momentarily glaring in my direction. It may have only been a moment...but it was enough...it was enough for me to realize that one and only similarity that this duplicate of mine shared....it was a love....a love for the woman that I crushed to me side....it was a love for Elizabeth Parker. I didn't know all that had transpired between my duplicate and the love of my life...but something had. No...I didn't get an flashes from Liz...which now that I think about it...should have really set me off...it wasn't until later that I realized that they stopped once I had healed her...and then they were gone...but I will get to that part soon. My rage continued to grow as I glanced over at my beautiful Liz...only to find her staring into his eyes just as intently as he was into hers. It was apparent that nothing...not even the force field that I had placed between us...could stop these looks of longing...these looks of love...that covered both of their faces. I remembered that look...it was a look that I had received each and every time that my beautiful Liz had looked into my eyes. It was a look that I had taken for granted...it was a look that I expected to see for the rest of my life....it was a look that another man was now receiving...and as she turned to me and looked deep into my eyes...I realized that it was now a look that I was never going to see again...and my rage continued to grow. PART 25 I couldn't takes my eyes offs her as she sats on the floor...his arms around her...his face in her's hair. Jealously coursed through me at's an alarming rates...cause I wanted it to be me's that hads his arms arounds her...I wanted to be's the one's that ran my face through her soft hair...I wanted to be's the ones that smelled it's beautiful scent. I realized thats thinkin bout it were getting me no where. I founds that I wanted to run again...wanted to gets out of here...away from whats I were seeing...but I forced myself to stands where I were. I keeped my eyes on her face though...I hads to...I hads to burn the images of my princess's face into's my brain. I knowed that after I were dones here...after I hads made sure that she were happy...it were all I were gonna haves of her. So...I watched...watched as he pulled her's from the floors and against his body...watched as she yelped in pain cause he were holding her's so tight. Anger flowed throughs my body...causing me to wants to beat his fuckin heads in for hurting her. But...fore I coulds get anywheres near him...he put up some sorts of force fields...seperating me from him's...seperating me froms her. I looked at him's for just a second...more then enough times to see his anger....couldn't help...it were written all over his face. I ain't care though. It ain't matter what he were pissed about...all that mattered were her. Cause I ain't know how much longers I were gonna be able to see's her beautiful face...and so I looked backs at her...and founds that she were looking at's me too. I couldn't belives what I were seeing...there were no ways that I were seeing what I weres seeing...but she were looking into my eyes...looking into my eyes so deeps....and I heards her...she whispered my name....and it were music to my fuckin ears....but thens it were gone as fast as I hads seen it...and I thought that maybe I hads fuckin imagined it. "You can puts down your fuckin force fields...I ain't gonna hurts her...or you" I saids to him...walkin into her room...stopping on the spots that we hads been not longs before. The spots where my princess kissed me for the first times...the spots where we fells to the floor after that kiss...the spots where...we hads. I couldn't thinks about that...it were to hard...it hurts too much. I begans to shake my head...hoping that it would clear my thoughts...it helped somes...but not enough. "I SAIDS YOU CAN PUTS YOUR SHIT DOWNS...I AIN'T GONNA HURTS NO BODY" I saids louder this time....never taking my eyes off her...but thens she turned her heads...and she weren't looking at's me anymore...she were looking at's him. He weren't listening to me though. I coulds have told him that he hads antenna growin outs his fuckin head...but he weren't hears me...he were too busy to hears my words...he were to busy staring into's her eyes....and the things was she were starying backs. I felts my heart breaks all over again. Closing my eyes I tooks a deep breath....not cause I needed to's...I hads to get the picture of her staring into his eyes out of my heads. Cause...I ain't have times to think about that...I hads a job to do...and I were determined to do it...do it and gets fuck outs of Roswell...get the fuck outs of her life...forever. ************************************************************ "Max...please stop...your hurting me" I cried out...trying to pull away from the vice like grip that he held me in. There was a time that I would have relished being this close to Max...a time when being this close to Max was never close enough...but that was another time...it felt as if it were years ago...when in fact it was only a few months. "Max....please..." He wasn't listening...I knew that he wasn't as he pulled me even tighter against his body. I felt like I couldn't breath...that if he held me any tighter that I would lose conciseness. Again I tried to pull away....and again he tightened his vise like grip. As much as I struggled...he never once took his eyes off my own eyes. Panic surged through me as I looked back into his eyes...causing me to gasp at what it was that I saw. Where his eyes had once held love and understanding...they now held nothing but pure hatred and spite. I felt as if he were trying to reach into the very debts of my soul...as he continued to probe me with his hate filled eyes...reaching deeper and deeper...until her got the answer that he so desperately needed. Verbally he didn't have to ask the question...he didn't have to utter a word...I already knew...I already knew because looking into his hate filled eyes...I had seen the question...and I knew that as his probing continued it was just a matter of time before he got the answer to the question that his eyes were asking me...an answer that I knew he wasn't just going to accept...an answer that was going to have consequences...and I found that I was more then a little afraid of those consequences...once he found his answer. ************************************************************ I never thought that it was possible to hate anyone as much as I hated Liz Parker at that very moment. The same Liz Parker that was the light of my life for so many years...the same Liz Parker that I loved with all my heart and soul...the same Liz Parker that was my reason for living...was now the same Liz Parker that I wanted watch as I crushed the life out of her. Hatred consumed me...consumed me so much so that I was willing to end her life...end her life because it wasn't me that she loved with all her heart and soul anymore...she was in love with another...she was in love with him...she was in love with Zan. She never said a word...she didn't have to...I saw it all as I stared into her eyes...they told me everything that I needed to know...and my hatred for her blazed on. I wanted her to suffer...wanted her to feel the pain that was eating away at my heart...the pain that had been eating away at my heart from the moment that I had seen her in bed with Kyle. If I had been rational...I would have realized that I knew that she hadn't slept with Kyle...I had seen it in her flashes as I healed her....but rational was something that I wasn't at that time...and so I allowed my insanity to continue. PART 26 "Max...please...I can't breath...please...your hurting me" I cried out...as he continued to crush me to his side...causing pain to ebb into my sides and lower back. "Max..." But...my words were cut off as he began to speak...speak words that hit me...hit me so hard that I could have sworn that Max had delivered the blow with his own hands...instead of his voice...delivering his blow directly to my face. "Anything else that you want to tell me...Liz" he asked as he continued to pull me tightly against his body...so tight that I was now finding it hard to keep my breath. "or should I say anyone else...you want to tell me about...Liz. You have really become quite the little slut haven't you...I mean you couldn't sleep with me...so you slept with Kyle...and then you sleep with him. What's the matter...you couldn't get the real thing from me...so you went to my reject instead. You are a real piece of work...maybe now that your not a virgin anymore...you can show me the ropes. I mean you owe me at least that much...I was...after all saving my virginity for you. So how about it...you can even have my reject watch...would you like that...I bet you would" Before I knew what was happening...Max was kissing me. But...this wasn't like the kisses that we shared before...this kiss was rough and filled with hate. I tried to pull away...tried to break free of this hate filled kiss...but he had other plans I soon found out...as I felt his tongue enter my mouth...rubbing his tongue along my own. I tried to control the gagging sound that erupted from my throat into his mouth...but I couldn't...and then he broke his kiss. I watched as a sneer crossed his lips...watched as his words sprang from his lips. "You know...kissing you just doesn't have the same affect that it once had...it feels like...I guess that is what it feels like to kiss the town whore" I fell to the ground as he released me from the grip that he had been holding me in...gasping for breath...trying to recover from the cruel words that Max...who I once thought of as the love of my life...that man of my dreams...my reason for living...had just spit out at me. Dread filled my whole body...as the brunt of his words hit me. But...not because of the words that Max had spoken...I had realized that I didn't care what Max had to say...didn't care that Max might hurt me in the state that he was in...the only thing that I cared about was Zan...and what Zan was going to do. I knew that something was going to happen...I knew that something was going to happen to Zan...I knew that Zan would try and protect me...PROTECT me a what ever cost. I felt as if I were in some sort of dream...like the world around me was moving in slow motion. Pulling my eyes from Max's face...I turned my head towards Zan...turned my heard towards Zan and noticed the madness that now filled his eyes. I watched as his hands...formed into two fists...watched as the muscles in his arms became taunt...watched as he took a step forward... "ZAN..NO" I screamed...watching in slow motion as he lunged towards Max...lunged towards Max and the force field that he had surrounding us. "ZAAAAAN" I screamed again...as he flew backwards onto the floor from the shock of the field...watched as he landed onto the floor...unconscious. v************************************************************ I felts the madness takes over my body...as I heards her crying out...as I seen him place his mouths on hers. My madness only gots worse as I heards the shit that he were saying to her...shit that were a lie...shit that were gonna gets him killed by me. I wanted the madness to comes...cause...I were gonna fuckin kill him...I were gonna fuckin kill him and I were gonna enjoys its. I ain't care how much she loved hims...there were no fuckin body that were gonna talks thats way to her's...ain't no body that were gonna treats her like thats. I hads done it once...and it were somthin that I were gonna have to deals with....it were something that I were gonna regret...for the rest of my lives. "LEAVES HER THE FUCK ALONES" I screamed at's him...but he just keeped hurtings her...keeped kissing hers. All's I could see were her struggling to breaks free...but he weren't gonna lets her go...it were gonna be ups to me to make him lets her go. It happeneds so fast...that I ain't know what hits me. All's I can remember bout that times...were that I were thinkin bout my much I were gonna enjoy breaking his fuckin neck...gonna enjoy watching him's suffer. In my madness...I hads forgotten one things...I hads forgotten bout the shield that he hads up...I were too busy thinkin bout him...and how he hads hurt her...thats the next things I knew...I were being throws backwards...and then the black void visited me's once again. ************************************************************ "ZAAAAN" I heard her scream...watching as he lunged for me...lunged for me and running into the force field that I was still holding up. I didn't even flinch...I knew that he couldn't get to me...and all I kept thinking was...this has got to be the stupidest man I have every met. It wasn't like he couldn't see it...it was right in front of him...and then I looked down at Liz. I found that I was fascinated with the horror that was evident on her face...horror that was there because of me...horror that was there because my duplicate was a idiot. Turning from Liz...I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips...as I watched him fall backwards onto the floor. I knew that he wasn't dead...this was a new power of mine and I hadn't had the chance to fully developed it yet. But...I found that I was wishing that it was fully developed....I found that I was wishing that he were in fact dead. "ZAN...ZAN....PLEASE...YOU HAVE TO GET UP...PLEASE ZAN...GET UP....I LOVE YOU....CAN YOU HEAR ME...I LOVE YOU" she whispered through her tears...tears that ran down her face in streams...tears that were there because of me. I continued to watch while she sat on the floor...with the field betweens her and the man that she loved...and I felt a flicker of regret...but just a flicker and it was gone as quickly as it appeared. "Max...Please..." she whispered...raising herself off the floor and now standing in front of me. "don't do this. I need him...I love him. I'm sorry if I hurt you...I never meant to hurt you...but I love him. Please...I need to see if he is alright. Please...haven't I suffered enough because of you and your..." "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SUFFERING" I screamed...grabbing her by the shoulders and bringing her face directly in front of mine. "YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT SUFFERING. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE THE KING OF AN ALIEN RACE...TO HAVE THE WEIGHT OF THIS OTHER PLANET PLACED ON YOUR SHOULDERS...TO HAVE THE LIVES OF OTHERS HANG IN BALANCE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO KNOW THAT WITH ONE WRONG DECISION...MILLIONS OF PEOPLE...ALIENS...WHATEVER COULD DIE." I continued to scream at her...shaking her back and forth for emphasis. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SUFFERING FEELS LIKE...WHEN YOU FIND YOUR DREAM GIRL...THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE...THE ONE THAT IS YOUR REASON FOR LIVING...SHARING A BED WITH ANOTHER MAN. DO YOU....I DO...DO DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT SUFFERING. I HAVE BEEN DOING NOTHING BUT SUFFER THESE LAST FEW MONTHS...SUFFER CAUSE OF YOU. I LOVED YOU LIZ....I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU...EVEN GIVING UP MY STATUS AS KING....I DIDN'T ASK FOR THAT...BUT I ASKED FOR YOU...AND I GOT YOU....AND THEN YOU HAD TO RUIN IT...YOU HAD TO RUIN EVERYTHING BY RUNNING AWAY FROM ME WHEN WE FOUND OUT ABOUT MY DESTINY...YOU HAD TO KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY AFTER YOU RETURNED...AND THEN YOU HAD TO SLEEP WITH KYLE. IT ALMOST KILLED ME...DID YOU KNOW THAT...THAT NIGHT MY WORLD ENDED. I FELT LIKE I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR...I THOUGHT THAT NOTHING COULD BE WORSE THEN CATCHING YOU IN BED WITH KYLE. BUT...YOU HAD TO PROVE ME WRONG...YOU HAD TO GO AND DO WHAT EVER IT WAS YOU DID WITH THE REJECT. WHY...LIZ...CAN YOU TELL ME THAT...WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME. DID YOU EVER EVEN LOVE ME....AT ALL...YOU KNOW WHAT...DON'T ANSWER THAT...IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE...CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU ANYMORE. I WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE...I WANT YOU OUT FOR GOOD. YOU WANT HIM SO BAD...GO TO HIM...YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER....YOUR BOTH TRASH...AND I'M THROUGH WITH THIS WHOLE SITUATION. HAVE A GREAT LIFE WITH MY REJECT..AND REMEMBER...IF YOU SEE ME ANYWHERE...DON'T TALK TO ME...DON'T EVEN LOOK IN MY DIRECTION...BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW YOU...AND THE TRUTH IS....I GUESS THAT I NEVER REALLY DID" PART 27 Looking arounds...I realized thats I knowed this place...I knowed it...cause it were the same place that I hads been before. Pictures of thats day flashed befores my mind...I hads been here before...after Rath hads thrown me in fronts of a moving truck. I hads forgotten bout how I were gonna fuckin kills Rath and Lonnie. I hads gotten so wrapped up with Liz and my loves for her...thats I forgots. But...it weren't gonna lasts for longs...I were gonna takes care of my dupe and then I were gonna goes back to New York and takes care of Rath and Lonnie. But...firsts I hads to get out of the fuckin void. Slowly....I cames out of the void. I trieds to open my eyes...and founds it were to painful...the light it were to bright. So...I keeped them closed. I trieds to gets up...but I founds that I couldn't...so I just laids there....laids there and listened to every fuckin words that my dupe saids to her. "I LOVED YOU LIZ....I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU...EVEN GIVING UP MY STATUS AS KING....I DIDN'T ASK FOR THAT...BUT I ASKED FOR YOU...AND I GOT YOU....AND THEN YOU HAD TO RUIN IT...YOU HAD TO RUIN EVERYTHING BY RUNNING AWAY FROM ME WHEN WE FOUND OUT ABOUT MY DESTINY...YOU HAD TO KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY AFTER YOU RETURNED...AND THEN YOU HAD TO SLEEP WITH KYLE. IT ALMOST KILLED ME...DID YOU KNOW THAT...THAT NIGHT MY WORLD ENDED. I FELT LIKE I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR...I THOUGHT THAT NOTHING COULD BE WORSE THEN CATCHING YOU IN BED WITH KYLE. BUT...YOU HAD TO PROVE ME WRONG...YOU HAD TO GO AND DO WHAT EVER IT WAS YOU DID WITH THE REJECT. WHY...LIZ...CAN YOU TELL ME THAT...WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME. DID YOU EVER EVEN LOVE ME....AT All" Nothin hads changed...my job were still the sames. I hads to make sure that she were happy...and even though I wanted to fuckin kills him before...because...he hads saids some nasty things about her...I knowed as I listened to his words that he ain't means them. I knowed as his words played over and overs in my head thats...he ain't mean them ats all...he were still in loves with her...he were just to fuckin stupid to sees that she ain't do nothin wrongs....he were to fuckin stupid to sees that she still loved hims too. I hated to admits it...but...I couldn't blames him for what he saids to her. How coulds I....I hads done the same things to her...I had saids things to her...to hurts her...like I were hurting. We were both in loves with her...ands we both lets our jealousy gets in the ways of that loves. Don't gets me wrong....I still hated him...probably always wills...but I hads to understands where he were comin from....cause it were how I were feelin too. Yes...I knowed what I hads to do...and I mades me hate my dupe even mores for making me be's the bigger man...for makin me be's the one that hads to moves aside...for makin me be the ones that had to give her ups...so they coulds be together. I ain't wants to be the bigger man...I wanted her to be mines...I wanted to be with her fors the rest of my lives. But his words...they keeped comin back to me...I were so caughts up in his words...as they wents over and overs in my heads...that I ain't feels her besides me. She trieds to speaks to me...but I stopped her's. "Goes after him...you can't lets him leave...he ain't mean what he said...goes after him...now" ************************************************************ Before I had a chance to say a word...before I had a chance to ask how he was doing...he was telling me to go after Max. I didn't want to go after Max...I wanted to stay with him...I wanted to throw myself into Zan's arms and stay there forever...wanted to tell him the I loved him with all my heart and soul. But...as I gazed into his eyes...what I saw thrilled me...it confused me...and it saddened me. I continued my gaze into his eyes...unable to look away...unable to understand what exactly it was that he was trying to communicate to me through these beautiful eyes. I searched for a clue...anything that would make me understand what it was I was seeing...but I found no answer. All I found was a look of love...a look of confusion...and then a look of determination. It happened so quickly....but I remember it as if it were yesterday. I watched his beautiful hazel eyes soften as he gazed back at me...sending shivers down my spine. I saw his love for me...and I always wanted to see that love for me there in his eyes. I found myself drowning in them...but I didn't care...I could drown in them forever and be the happiest woman in the world. But...then as quickly as I saw it...it was replaced by another...this time a look of confusion...which in turn caused me confusion. All sorts of questions floated through my mind...didn't he know that he was the one that I wanted...didn't he know that he was the one that I loved...could he see that I wanted him...mind...body and soul. As the confusion drifted from his eyes it was replaced by determination. I didn't know why at the time...but I could tell that he was determined that Max and I were going to get thought this. I may not have known what his reason were...but I did as he asked of me. As much as my body begged to feel his touch...I did what I was told. Slowly...I pulled myself off the floor and took a step towards Max's retreating figure. My body continued to fight me...continued to beg...it longed for his touch...longed for his kisses. Zan...plea" Again...I tried to speak....turning to face him yet again. I watched as he pulled himself into a sitting position...keeping his eyes on the floor below him...as he pulled his knees into his chest...never once looking in my direction. "Princess...please...I needs you to do this" he whispered...as he continued his fascination with the floor. Confusion flowed through my even more as I listeened to his words. Why...because I could have sworn that he was crying...but this was what he wanted me to do...and so I did as I was told. ************************************************************ "MAX...PLEASE WAIT" she called out after me. I couldn't believe that she had the nerve to come running after me...after all that had been said and done...yet here she was running after me calling my name. I felt my anger continue to surge as she called out my name once again. Had I not made myself perfectly clear to her...had I not told that I wanted her out of my life...that I wanted nothing to do with her...ever again. "MAX...PLEASE...WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS...WE CAN'T JUST END EVERYTHING JUST LIKE THAT....PLEASE" I ignored her as I reached the edge of her balcony...turning slightly...Out of the corner of my eye...I caught sight of her...standing in the middle of her balcony...I caught the sadness that shadowed her face...I caught the tears that ran from her eyes...but...I ignored them. Liz Parker was no longer a concern of mine...she could cry until she had no tears left to cry...I didn't care. She deserved the sadness...she deserved the tears. I had enough sadness and tears in my life to last until forever...and it was all because of her. No...I had nothing else to say to Liz Parker...as I made my descent to the ally below...that was until I reached the ally below and realized that I did in fact have a few more things to say to her. A few more words...that would sum up what I had been going though these last few months...one more thing that would make her feel as bad as I had been feeling. Climbing up the ladder once again...I called out to her. I watched as she turned to face me...watched as she walked towards me...a glimmer of hope in her eyes...and I watched as that glimmer diminished as soon as I said those words to her. With a smile on my face...that felt like a mile wide...I said the words that I had needed to say. "Rot in hell...Elizabeth Parker. I've spent my time there...and now it is your turn...you deserve everything that you get from now on. I hate you...hate you more then I have ever hated anyone...and...I hope that you suffer like you have never suffered before" The shock that covered her face was unlike anything that I had every seen before...causing my smile to grow even wider. I took one final look at her face...I wanted to remember that look...wanted to remeber it for the rest of my life. "Good bye...Liz" I laughed...and with a wave of my hand...I made my descent down the ladder to the ally below. I felt wonderful...felt like a million bucks. I was now back in control...control of my life and everything around it. I should have known that this was a feeling that I wasn't going to experience for long...as with everything in my life...there are complications that arise...things that get in the way...miscommunications. This feeling was short lived...but with good reason...I had lost my mind...and it all it took was getting my head slammed against the back wall of the CrashDown...a few choice words from a man that I didn't even know...but hated with a passion...and another outpouring of tears in the arms of the one person that I would never have expected to understand. ************************************************************ "That ain't no ways to talk to a ladies. We's really needs to work on how you talk" I growled ats him...grabbin his fuckin neck and slammins his heads againsts the walls behinds him. I hads to admit that I enjoyeds it...I enjoyed it greatlys as I heards his head hits the wall...enjoyed its as the smiles that were crossing his face disappeared. But...I hads to control the urge to do's it agains...I hads a job to do...and I hads to do it quick. I ain't know where Liz where...and I were afraids that once she founds I were gone...she were gonna come lookin for me...not cause she were worried bout me...cause she were gonna be worried bout what I were gonna do to my dupe. "we really needs to do somethin bout your manners...Maxie Boys" I continued to growl...slammin his heads against the walls one more times...what the hell I thoughts...it weren't like I were gonna gets a chance likes this again. I hads to grin as I seen him's lose his breathes. But...time was wasting...she were comin...grabbing hims by the neck agains...I begans to pull him downs that ally. He trieds to break free...trieds to speak...but I hads a good holds on his throats...so alls he could do were squeek...causing me to laughs my ass off...as I looked for a place were we's could have our little manners lesson. "You know Maxie Boy...I don't knows what your problem is..but we is gonna takes care of it tonights...once and for alls" I saids as I continued to drags him. I knowed where we was going now...I remembered there were a park ups the street. It were the sames park that I hads mets that other punk...Kyle. He continued to struggle...and each times he did...I tightened the grips that I hads on him. "Keep it's up...and you wills be dead by the times we get to where we is going" ************************************************************ I should have been paying attention...should have been more alert...should have known that he would be waiting at the bottom of the ladder for me. But...I was too caught up in the moment...all I could see was the look of shock and hurt that crossed Liz's face as I spoke my words to her...if I had been paying more attention...then maybe I would have been more prepared for what happened next. I may not have known he was there...but I sure as hell felt him as he grabbed me by the neck...slamming my head into the wall behind me...knocking the breath out of my lings. Stars began to appear before my eyes...I didn't know if it was from lack of oxygen or the blow that I had just received. I tried to catch my breath...tried to break free...but each time that I tried...he would tighten his grip even more...causing me to become light headed. So...I allowed him to drag me down the ally behind the CrashDown...allowed him to drone on and on...about how we needed to talk...on how we needed to work on my manners. I guess that it was due to the lack of oxygen that my brain was receiving...but...all I could think about as he continued to drag me out of the ally was...work on my manners...this coming from my alien reject...who has done nothing but murder the English language. I gasped for air as he released me...dropping me onto what appeared to be a bench. I continued to pull much needed air into my lungs...never once taking my eyes off of him. I watched as he walked over to a nearby tree and leaned against it. Our eyes locked together...and remained there...neither one willing to look away. It was as if we were sizing each other up. We may have been similar in build and body type...but I knew that I was smarter...that I could beat him in a fight. Oh...and was I ready to fight...I was ready to bring my duplicate to his knees...ready to make him beg for mercy. I wanted to hurt him...not with alien powers...no...that would have taken all the fun out of it. I wanted to do this the old fashion way...I wanted to beat the shit out of him...using...my hands...my fists...my feet...my whole body. Whatever it took to make him physically hurt...the more hurt the better. PART 28 Tears...I felt them flow down my face. I didn't think that it was possible for anyone to cry as many tears as I had cried in the last few months...much less the last few days. But...there they were....tears of sadness...tears of pain...tears of anger....and most important...tears of confusion. Sadness...because as I watched Max disappear down the ladder...I knew that things would never be the same again. I kept asking myself how a love that once consumed me completely...now only made me feel cold and empty. I was hard to accept that Max would no longer be in my life. I may have hated him for what he had said to me...for what he had done to me...but I still loved him...and the truth of the matter is I always wanted him to be a part of my life. Doesn't make sense to you...I know...but you have to understand that Max HAD been the love of my life...he had been my everything...until I met Zan...and then everything changed. When Max and I were together...he brought out emotions in me that were unlike any I had ever experienced before...until I met Zan. I never wanted to hurt Max...I was only doing what I thought was right. Maybe...I was wrong...maybe I should have handled it another way...but it was all that I could think of at the time...it was all that I could do...to make him fall out of love with me. Now...it didn't matter...because he no lover loved me. Pain...because the words he spoke hurt...the hurt me so deeply...that I didn't think that I would ever get over them. Anger...because...Max...seemed to think that he was the only one that was hurting...seemed to think that only he had to suffer and deal with any pain from this whole ordeal. He told me that he hated me...and that he wanted me to suffer...like I had never suffered before. Too late...I had been to hell and back...I had felt nothing but suffering and pain since Future Max had come to visit me that night...telling me that I had to give up what I felt to be my one true love...my soul mate. I was angry at Max...for not believing in me...for not believing in the love that we shared. I was angry at Max...for not pursuing the truth more then he did. I wanted to tell him...wanted to give him the answers that he needed to hear...but...he just backed away. He told me once...that he knew that I didn't sleep with Kyle...that he knew that I wouldn't do that to him...if this was true...then why did he just accept it as fact afterwards. I know...I know that I told him that I wasn't this perfect person...that he was always putting me on a pedestal...that I made a mistake...that Kyle and I had made love...but...I lied. Couldn't he see it in my eyes...couldn't he hear my heart screaming out to him...couldn't he see that I was dying. I am angry at Max Evens...not only because of those hatful words that he spoke...but because he didn't trust me enough to know...that I would have done anything...and I did...to make sure that he...as well as the rest of them...stayed safe. Confusion...because...Zan...had pushed me to go after Max...pushed me to go after a man that I no longer loved. I saw it...I know that I wasn't seeing things...I know that I saw his love for me in his eyes...but he covered it up...hide it away...it was like he didn't want me to see. I was tired of hurting...tired of being confused. I knew that I had to talk to Zan...had to make him see that he was the only man that mattered to me anymore. Yes...I still loved Max...I would always love Max...but it could never compare to the love that I felt for Zan. I never thought that I could love anyone more then Max...but I had...and just thinking about Zan...brought a smile to my face...brought happiness back into my life...and love back into my heart. Meeting him turned out to be the most wonderful experience of my life...so far...and I couldn't wait to see what other new experiences were out there waiting for me...and as long as he was by my side...I was more then ready for anything. "Zan...we need to talk" I said...climbing though my window...coming face to face...not with Zan...the love of my life...but...with a highly pissed off....Maria. "I may not be Zan...but...yes...yes...we do have some talking to do" ************************************************************ I were lookin into his eyes...and it were like I were lookin into my owns. I guess...in a ways I were...cause I were his dupe..but anyways...I coulds see his anger...his frustrations...and I coulds see he were hurting. I ain't really know my dupe...but I knowed that we was alike in more ways then ones...in's the most important ways...we was both in loves with her. I felts all these things thats he were feeling. I knowed what it were like to loves her so much...thats it would cause you to goes totally fuckin crazy...I knowed how he felts as he said his words to her...just to makes her hurt likes her were hurtings...and I knowed how he felts after he saids his words...knowing that he hads hurt her with thems. I ain't wants to fight hims anymore...I were tired...tired of all this bull shit...it were times for this to be's over...it were times for him to gets over himself and takes care of my princess. Did's I want to gives her up withouts a fight...did I wants to walks out of her life...knowing that it were gonna be hims...not me...that we gonna be the ones that takes care of her...that it were gonna be hims not me...that were gonna be her firsts...that it were gonna be hims...not me...that were gonna walks down the aisle withs...on her weddings day. NO...I wanted to be's the one that shared all these things withs her...but it were a dream...a dream that I ain't ever wants to wake up froms. He hads her...alls I hads to do was makes him see that he were being as asshole...and then he were gonna be withs her...alls I had were this dream...alls I wanted to do were dream bout what I knowed were never gonna happen. But...he...he hads other plans... ************************************************************ My eyes never left his...as he continued to lean against the tree. I felt as if he was trying to read my thoughts...trying to understand what it was that was going on inside me. Hell...I didn't even know what was going on inside of me. Never in my life...had I felt so many different emotions swirling around in my mind...in my heart. Hate...fear...sorrow...anger...pain...and even...love...and all because of her...all because of Liz...all because of Liz and Zan. I felt like I was a tiger that was on the prowl...I felt like I was stalking my prey...just waiting for the right moment...waiting for him to drop his guards...waiting to pounce...waiting to kill. I could feel the muscles through out my body...tighten...tighten in anticipation...anticipation for the hunt. Zan...had to pay...had to pay for taking her love from me...had to pay for making her love him...and so I continued to wait. I didn't have to wait long...in fact...it happened so quick that I almost missed it...almost. It was hard to decipher...the look. One minute he is trying to read my thoughts with his intense stares...and then the next minute...it was gone...it was almost as if his mind was no longer here...it was almost like he was daydreaming. "PAYBACK TIME" I screamed...lunging forward off the bench...towards an unsuspecting Zan. ************************************************************ I couldn't stop thinkin bouts my princes...bout what it woulds me likes...it she hads picked me. I thoughts about what it would be likes to hears her tells me that she loved me again...I had heard it once...and it were music to my ears. I thoughts about what it would be likes to makes love to her fors the very first times...we hads come so close...I hads gotten to taste hers...and I knowed that now...no ones were ever gonna compares to her. I thoughts about what it woulds be like to marries her...I ain't never thoughts bout marriage before...but with hers...I wanted to thinks about it. Buts...my thoughts was interrupted...interrupted by the reason thats I couldn't be withs the woman that I loved. I weren't paying him no attention...I were too busy livin in my fuckin dream world...when...I shoulds have had my guards up. I feeled his heads...as its crashed into's my chest...feeled the pains in my back...as I hit the grounds...afters his heads butt. I feeled his fists...as he landed punch after punch anywhere's that he coulds hit...and I heard hims...as he screamed outs words...that hurts more...hurts more then the facts that he were using my wholes body as his fuckin punchin bags. "YOU THINK THAT LIZ LOVES YOU...SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU...HOW COULD SHE...YOUR NOTHING BUT A ROYAL REJECT...MY ROYAL REJECT. SHE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS SHE LOVED ME...SHE WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME...DO YOU HEAR ME....ALWAYS. BUT...I DON'T WANT HER...I DON'T NEED HER....SHE IS ALL YOURS...BUT...YOU REMEMBER THIS...IT WILL BE ME...THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THINKING ABOUT. ME...NOT YOU....YOUR JUST MY REPLACEMENT....YOUR JUST...." ************************************************************ "IS YOU FUCKIN STUPID..." I heard him scream...as I felt his fist make contact with my cheek. Before I had a chance to throw another punch...before I had a chance for any sort of retaliation...I was on my back...with a very pissed off Zan...sitting on my chest...hands once again around my throat. His face was so close that I could feel his breath on my face...could feel the spit that flew from his mouth...land on my face as he screamed. "I WILL FUCKIN KILLS YOU. DO YOU HEARS ME....YOU HAVES LOST YOUR FUCKIN MIND...AND I WILL KILLS YOU DEAD...IF YOU DON'T SHUTS THE FUCK UP AND LISTENS TO ME. DO YOUS UNDERSTANDS ME...DO YOUS" I tired to fight him off...tried to get out from under his girth. But...once again it was on no use. What ever ideas I had about kicking his ass...they were gone. I had gotten a few good punches in....but there was no contest here as to who was the strongest in this match. I was at his mercy...as I felt his fingers tighten around my throat. Slowly...I nodded my head in response to his question...and then he continued...his hands not leaving my throat until he had said all that he needed to say. "I AIN'T FUCKIN KNOW YOU...BUT...YOU HAS GOTS TO BE THE STUPIDEST MANS I HAVES EVER METS. WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU IS TALKIN TO HERS LIKE THAT....SHE AIN'T DESERVE THE SHIT YOU SAIDS TO HER...SHE AIN'T DESERVE THAT SHITS THAT YOU DONES TO HER TOO. I SHOULD KILLS YOU...KILLS YOU FOR ALL THATS YOU DONES TO HER. I DON'T KNOWS THE WHOLE FUCKIN STORIES...I DON'T KNOWS WHAT IT IS THATS THE TWO OF YOU HADS BEFORES...IT DON'T MATTERS...ALL THAT FUCKIN MATTERS IS THAT SHE LOVES YOU...I KNOW THAT SHE WOULD FUCKIN DO ANYTINGS FOR YOU....AND YOU KNOWS IT TOO. BUT...LIKES I SAID YOU IS TOO FUCKIN STUPID TO SEE'S IT. I LOVES HER...I LOVES HER WITH ALL MY HEARTS AND SOULS...BUT SHE AIN'T LOVES ME BACK....CAUSE...SHE LOVES YOU....DO YOU HEAR ME....SHE FUCKIN LOVES YOU. SHE NEEDS YOU TO TAKES CARE OF HER...SHE NEEDS YOU TO LOVES HER. YOU BETTER FUCKIN TAKES CARE OF HER....CAUSE...I WILLS FUCKIN KILLS YOU IF YOUS DON'T. YOU AIN'T GOTS TO WORRY...I IS LEAVING...AVA AND I IS GOING BACK TO NEW YORK....BUT DON'T THINKS THAT I WON'T FINDS OUT IF YOU TREATS HER BAD...CAUSE I WILL. I DON'T KNOW HOW...YOU IS GONNA FIX THIS FUCKIN MESS..BUTS YOU BETTER....AND YOU BETTER MAKES IT UP TO HER. SHE IS THE MOST WONDERFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLDS...AND IF YOU FUCKS THIS UP...IT GONNA BE YOUR FUCKIN FAULT...NO ONE ELSE'S...AND THEN YOU DEAL WITHS ME....GOT IT....I SAID....GOT IT" ************************************************************ Afters I seen him nods....I gots off his sorry ass. I were hoping thats once I tolds him about Liz...and I mades him see that she loved hims...that I woulds feel better...but it ain't mades me feel better...it mades me feel worse. I tooks one more look at my dupe...as he pulled himselfs off the ground. Took one more looks...and walked aways...I hads to find Ava...it were times to leave...for good. I hads done my jobs...I hads been the bigger man. I trieds to stop thems...but...agains they fell. I ain't never cried so fuckin much in my life...not till I cames to Roswell. I ain't never felts so much pain...since I mets her...and now it were times to end them boths. I knowed that it would takes time..but I would gets over the pain of losing hers. Actually...I knowed that I would never gets over the pains of losing hers. But...it were somethin that I tolds myselfs anyways. "NICE SPEECH...BUT I DON'T BUY ONE WORD OF IT" he yelled...causing me to faces hims...as I heards the clapping of his hands. "DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I BELIEVE ALL THAT SHE LOVES YOU CRAP....I DON'T CARE IT SHE LOVES ME OR NOT...SHE IS USED GOODS NOW...YOU MADE SURE OF THAT. WHY WOULD I WANT HER NOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD HER. YOU WANT HER SO MUCH...HAVE HER...BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL DON'T WANT HER ANYMORE. THE ONLY REASON THAT SHE WENT TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE....IS BECAUSE YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE ME. IF YOU DIDN'T...SHE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN YOU THE TIME OF DAY. LIKE I SAID BEFORE...YOU BOTH DESERVE EACH OTHER YOUR BOTH NOTHING BUT PIECES OF TRASH. SHE IS ALL YOURS...RUN TO HER....GO ON...GO BE WITH YOUR BITCH" I wanted to rips his fuckin heads off...wanted to rips it off...and shoves it down his fuckin throat. I tooks a step towards hims...today were gonna be the day that Max Evan's were gonna die. But...then I stopped...as his words keeped paying over in my heads. "THE ONLY REASON THAT SHE WENT TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE....IS BECAUSE YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE ME" and it were then that I knowed whats I had to do. PART 29 "Maria...I don't have time for this" I screamed...pushing past her...coming face to face with an empty spot...where just moments before Zan had sat. "Zan" I whispered turning to face Maria...as fear crept into my heart once again. "Where is he...Maria...you have to tell me if you know where he is" "Liz...I don't know where he is...I came up here to check on you...I..." "I HAVE TO FIND HIM" I yelled...cutting her off in mid-sentence and running for the door. I had to find him...I had to...my heart couldn't take anymore unhappiness...any more loneliness. I had to find him...he loved me...he told me he did...I saw it in his eyes...and I felt it from his heart. I should have known that she wouldn't just let me go without a fight...this was Maria...and she always had to have the answer...always had to know what was going on. "Liz..you have to tell me what the heck is going on. I haven't heard from you since the other day when Zan arrived. she yelled after me...as I ran down the stairs leading from my house into the CrashDown. "Liz...what the hell is going on...what the hell has he done to you...this isn't like you...what about Max...LIZ...YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON" "ZAN...ZAN...WHERE ARE YOU....ZAN...ZAN" I yelled frantically...running into the restaurant...searching frantically for the man that had become my reason for living. Instead of finding that man...I found myself face to face with Ava and Kyle. "Ava...Kyle...have you seen him...have you seen Zan...I need to find him" They didn't say a word...they didn't have to...the look that they shared between them said it all. I had to sit down...had to sit down..or fall down. Numbly...I dropped myself down into the nearest chair...and waited...waited for what was left on my heart to break...waited for what little sanity that I had...to leave...waited for my world to end. ************************************************************ Once again I found myself smiling...smiling because of the pain of another. "NOT SO TOUGH AFTER ALL...HUH..." I yelled out after him. My heart stopped momentary as I watched the man that could have ended my life twice tonight...stop and again turn to face me. If he was ready to go another round..then he needed to bring it on...because I was more then ready. It didn't matter if I got my ass kicked again or not...all that mattered was that I got a few more good punches in...all that mattered was that I didn't go down with out making him hurt...and I wanted to make him hurt. I took a few steps forward...putting my fist into the air...if he was ready for another round...then so was I. But...he didn't move...he just continued to stare at me. As I inched closer and closer...his face became more clear and although I found tears...I was expecting to find utter sadines or complete rage...instead...I found a what appeared to be complete joy and happiness...and a smile that lit up his whole face. "Thanks you" he laughed...and then he was running across the park grounds...running as if his life depended on it. I knew where he was going..but..I didn't care....he could have her. I didn't want her anymore...she had lied and cheated on me. I had witnessed it for myself...I had caught her in bed with Kyle...and I had seen the look of love that she had for him. As I got closer and closer to home...I felt my anger begin to subside...felt my hatred for Liz and even Zan begin to ebb away...felt my sanity begin to come back into play. Why...because I allowed the flashes to replay in my mind...the ones that Liz has shown me as I healed her...the ones that gave me the answer that I had longed for all these many months...that she in fact hadn't betrayed me by sleeping with Kyle...that she in fact had sacrificed our love and some of her sanity...in order to help me. My anger was replaced by absolute horror...and then utter devastation..as one by one the flashes told me the complete story of what exactly Liz Parker had to give up to save earth and my race...what she had given up...for me. "MAX" Isabel screamed...pulling me away from thoughts. Looking around...I realized that I was now standing in front of my house...I didn't remember how I got there...all I could think about was what Liz had done...what she had sacrificed for me...how painful it was for her to do what it was that my other version had asked her to do. Not only had he caused her pain..but...I had caused her pain also...by not believing in the love that we once shared. "MAX...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU...SNAP OUT OF IT...DO YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS SOME STRANGE LOOKING GIRL IN YOUR ROOM...I WENT IN THERE LOOKING FOR YOU...AND I FOUND HER INSTEAD..WHO IS SHE...MAX...WHO THE HELL IS SHE" "Shell" I whispered. "SHELL...WHO THE HELL IS SHELL...AND WHY DOES SHE LOOK SO MUCH LIKE THEM...OUR DUPES" She continued to scream. "I can't explain right now...I need time to think" I said pulling out of her grasp and heading for the house. "MAX" ************************************************************ "Liz...are you ok. Liz...Liz...Liz...answer me" a voice frantically cried out to me. I felt someone touching my face...heard someone calling my name...but...I didn't acknowledge it...couldn't acknowledge it...it wasn't the voice I needed to hear...it wasn't the voice of the man that with one word could make my heart skip a beat...it wasn't the voice of the man that I loved with all my heart...it wasn't the voice of Zan. I was numb...I could feel my heart actually breaking for what must have been the hundredth time since I had become involved with Max...since I had become involved with Zan. "Liz...please...you have to snap out of this...I need you...you can't do this to me again...I can't live without you....Liz...you have to snap out of this" I heard the voice cry again. Forcing my eyes to focus on the voice...I tried to speak...tried to make the words come out...tried to convey to her just how much my world was falling apart...but...they didn't come...they wouldn't come...and so I just stared into her eyes...hoping that she would read all the pain and suffering in then...hoping that for once...someone would be there for me. I was tired of being there for everyone. I had always been the dependable one...always there to give a helping hand to anyone that needed me...but now it was my turn...it was my turn to fall to pieces...and it was her turn....my best friend...Maria DeLuca to pick them up as they fell. "Oh...Liz...I am so sorry...I am so sorry for not being there for you. I knew that you needed me...but...I was to involved in my own world to think about anything else. I knew that she saw it...knew that she saw the pain that covered my heart...as she pulled me into her embrace. "I'm here for you girl...always...remember that...always" ************************************************************ "I SAID THAT I CAN'T EXPLAIN NOW...I NEED SOME TIME TO PROCESS ALL THE THINGS THAT I JUST LEARNED...OK....SORRY IT THAT BOTHERS YOU...BUT...IT DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT YOU ISABEL EVANS" I screamed....opening the front door and slamming it behind me. I had to think about everything that I just learned...I felt as if my feet weighed a ton...as I reached the door to my bedroom. Opening it...I found her asleep on my bed...asleep in one of my Roswell gym T-shirts. I couldn't explain it...the feeling of calmness that washed over me as I continued to watch her sleep...and I didn't want an explanation...it felt good...and as I processed everything that I had just learned...I needed to feel good. It was as if she sensed me...as if she knew that I was there. "Yous ok" she asked sleepily...looking at me through half opened eyes that watched me as I sat down on the chair behind me. "what's wrongs" I wasn't able to speak...wasn't able to move...all I could do was cover my face with my hands...and allow the tears that I had been holding back to cascade down my face. "Comes here" I looked at her reluctantly as I watched her arms reach out to me...I felt them beckoning me into their warmth. Normally...I would have told that everything was fine...and pretend that I didn't need any solace from anyone...but...I needed it..and I needed it badly. So...I answered their call...and climbed into them...allowing her to wrap her arms around my body...allowing the warmth of her body to seep into mine. True...I didn't really know this stranger that held me in her arms...but the truth was...I didn't care. I didn't care that she was basically a complete stranger...who I had met thanks to Zan. I found out later that it was because of Zan that Shell had come into my life. He knew that we were in trouble and he had called Shell and asked her to help us with Lonnie and Rath. All that mattered to me at that moment in time...was...that I felt safe...I felt like she wouldn't judge me as I...a grown man...a king of another planet clung to her as if his life depended on it. "It's oks...you cans cry...I ain't gonna care...I is here for you" She whispered into my ear...as she rested my head on her chest and wrapped her arms around my back...rubbing her hands up and down in a soothing motion...then she began to sing softly into my ear. I couldn't really understand what she was saying...all I could hear were her whisper as she sang into my ear...but it allowed me to do what she had asked me to do...it allowed me to cry...and I cried as if my world was ending...because at that moment in time...I felt like it was. Tears of sadness...tears of pain...and tears of regret ran down my face. I had done this...I had caused all of this. I was hatful and mean...and I was so unfair to Liz. She did what she had to to keep us safe...to keep me safe and all I did was throw it back into her face. She loved me...and because of her love for me...she sacrificed that love. She was strong enough to do it...she was strong enough to sticky by her decision...and it almost killed her. I felt and I saw it all...I told her once that I knew that she would never do anything like that to me...that she would never cheat on me..and even though deep down in my heart I knew...I never pursued it any further....instead of fighting...instead of making her tell me the truth about what it was that I had seen with her and Kyle...I just let it go...I just gave up without a fight. I had been evil...had lost my mind when I realized that she loved Zan instead of me...but...how could I blame her. It was obvious that he gave her the one thing that I hadn't been able to give her...that one thing that meant more to Liz then anything else...her happiness. I had to admit it...it was true...I had not been able to give Liz the happiness that she deserved. She was always giving up so much of herself to me and the others...and yet..all we did was continue to take from her...never worrying about her needs. I had hurt her...hurt her in more ways then one...and I knew that there was no way that I could repair that hurt. My tears continued to fall...and I could no longer control the sobbing that erupted from my throat...and...the truth was...I didn't want to. I had hurt the one person that I loved with all my heart...because of my selfness...and my stupidity...I had lost that person...and I knew that I had lost her for good. Her whispers continued...and as she continued rubbing my back my world became peaceful...as I felt the tiredness try and take over my emotionally drained body. Sleep was something that had alluded me for the last few months..and because of that...I felt like I had fought a million battles. So as my tears continued...I finally gave in...finally allowed the tiredness to over take me...allowed myself to fall asleep. Her soothing words and the warmth of her body continued to lull me away from life...I could feel myself on the brink of sleep...pulling me away from my life...pulling me away from my reality...for what I hope would be at least a few hours. I don't know what I was thinking...because things like that don't happen to me...I am always forced to stay in control of my life...of my reality.